


The Third Saturday of the Month Before Midnight

by mandykaysfic



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-30
Updated: 2014-01-30
Packaged: 2018-01-10 15:14:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1161191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandykaysfic/pseuds/mandykaysfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What is the only card game that can be played on the third Saturday of the month at least two hours before midnight?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Third Saturday of the Month Before Midnight

“Have you decided on poker?” asked Spock as he took his seat. A pile of chips stood placed ready at his elbow.

Kirk shuffled the cards and grinned. “Not poker, no.”

He picked up the glass McCoy slid over and thoughtfully surveyed the pale blue liquid. “Strip poker?”

“Guess again,” prompted McCoy. He didn't bother trying to hide his glee.

Spock tilted his head. The only noise in the room was the riffle of the cards, but the atmosphere was heavy with expectancy. “Rummy?”

“Uh uh. Last guess,” said McCoy and chortled into his glass.

“Go Fish,” offered Spock blandly.

“Nope. Today is Saturday so it has to be ... drum roll please, Jim ... Fizzbin!” announced McCoy when Kirk put down the cards and beat a brisk tattoo on the table.

“Aaaand as it's less than two hours till midnight, that means it's ...,” Kirk paused and he and McCoy continued as one, “... Super Fizzbin!”

“Actually, it would be Super Fizzbin Plus, as this is the third Saturday of the month,” said Spock, “which makes me the dealer. Are you ready?” He had the cards in his hands and was reshuffling them before Kirk or McCoy could draw breath. He dealt six cards each and then an extra to McCoy who sat on his right. He squared up the remainder of the deck and placed it equidistant between the three of them. The top card was slid to the left of the pool and the second card turned face up. He turned to the doctor. “Leonard?”

“Ah, two cards please.” He tossed two chips into the centre of the table.

Spock picked up the top card and placed it face up in front of McCoy. It was the two of hearts. The second card he left face down. McCoy lifted the edge and quickly put it down again. “Half,” he called, and added two more chips to the kitty.

“Shout.” Kirk didn't wait for Spock to ask for his bet. He matched McCoy's chips with four of his own and placed a clean white handkerchief next to them. 

“Double shout,” responded Spock. He added his chips and a handkerchief of his own to the pile before cutting the deck at random and then exposing the card on the top of the pile that remained on the table. The queen of hearts smiled into the room.

McCoy took a large gulp of his drink. “Half fizzbin,” he announced as he displayed two jacks from the cards in his hands. He gleefully scooped the kitty toward him.

Kirk glanced quickly at his cards. Normally he liked to save the wilder bets up for a little later, but the opportunity was too good to pass up. “Take two, Bones,” he said, and removed his left shoe. Ten chips joined it on the table. He smirked at McCoy and then sat back in his chair to see how Spock would play out the hand. Spock was too good at keeping a poker-face and there was not even a tell-tale twitch of his brow to give Kirk an inkling of his thoughts, even though half the fun of fizzbin was psyching out one's opponents. The chances of either the original top card, still face down on the table, and the card beneath the queen being a four were good, and when Spock's right shoe joined his on the table he smiled even more widely.

“Damn.” McCoy took a drink. He turned over the single card; it was a four. 

“A red four.”

“I can see that, Spock.”

“Well, then.”

McCoy removed his shirt. He took the shoes and the chips and put his shirt in their place.

“Jim.”

“Three please, Spock.” The eight of diamonds and ace of spades were placed face up in front of him. Kirk lifted the edge of the third card and when he saw it was a king, he handed it back to Spock. “I'll bet five.”

“Shout.” Spock didn't waste any time; he removed his other shoe and added it to the kitty with five of his chips.

~

Several hours later, McCoy frowned at his cards. Hearts and spades fuzzed around the edges. One of Spock's socks hung from his left ear. Kirk's handkerchief was knotted around his left wrist. He squirmed awkwardly on his seat. His vest had rucked up over his hips again and the seat was hard against his naked thighs. A winning hand had left him without his underwear. If he could win this one, he could take back his boxers. “Double and flip,” he said eventually, and pushed half of his remaining chips into the centre of the table.

Spock and Kirk immediately fanned their cards out face down on the table. McCoy helped himself to one card from each hand and without looking at them, put them with his own. Then he took a card from Spock's pile and gave it to Jim. He did the same with one of Jim's cards, giving it carefully to Spock.

Kirk pushed the sock that fell onto his right cheek back behind his ear. He couldn't believe his luck. McCoy had managed to remove the only two cards he didn't need to keep and the one he'd received from Spock's hand left him needing just one card to win the game. There were four cards left in the kitty. He wondered at the odds of one of them being the jack of spades. He was wearing only his briefs; he and McCoy had the same amount to lose. Spock had played cannily as usual and still wore three items of clothing as well as a sock on each ear. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, as the saying went, so he matched McCoy's bet. “Double and flip.” 

With McCoy and Kirk watching his every move, Spock took the top two cards from the kitty and flipped them.

“Half fizzbin!” called Kirk at the sight of two red jacks.

Spock slowly pulled one card out from his hand. He placed it face up next to the jacks. It was a third jack – the jack of clubs.

“It's a shralk! You're disqualified,” crowed McCoy.

Spock pulled the socks from his ears.

“And the remainder of the penalty, mister. The Super Fizzbin Plus penalty, if you please.” Kirk leaned back in his chair and grinned at Spock.

“I believe you are enjoying this too well, Jim.” Spock's shirt joined his pants, which hung over the back of his chair.

“C'mon Spock. This is a moment in Fizzbin history here. I don't recall you ever being disqualified by a shralk.”

“I have not.”

“Then you'd better make it a good one.” McCoy mirrored Kirk's actions and settled back in his chair. When Spock's underwear and all of his remaining chips and McCoy's handkerchief ended up on the table with the kitty, Kirk and McCoy agreed as a fine moment it qualified unequivocally.

“Winner in the middle then, Bones?” Kirk picked up his cards and examined them once more.

“Agreed.” McCoy turned over the first of the remaining cards. It was the seven of spades. He added a single chip to the kitty and raised his glass to Jim's protest.

“Very well. Double that.” The ten of hearts joined the pile of discards and two of Kirk's chips joined the kitty.

“Deuce! I claim the Antares variation. Beat that.” McCoy pushed all of his remaining chips and sundry articles of bettable clothing into the centre of the table. Smugness radiated off him.

“The only way Jim can beat that is with a royal fizzbin and the odds of that hand are -.”

“Astronomical. We know.” McCoy interrupted Spock. “C'mon, Jim.”

“What the heck.” Kirk's remaining chips, an odd sock and another handkerchief ended up on top of the pile. He reached out and turned over the last remaining card. He blinked and licked his lips. “Jack of spades.” His voice cracked twice so he cleared his throat and started again. “Jack of spades.” From his hand he drew one card at a time. “Queen of clubs, king of diamonds, ace of hearts. Royal fizzbin.”

“Wha...” McCoy's voice trailed off disbelievingly.

“Fascinating.”

“Now that's what I call a kronk,” said Kirk and he led the way to the bedroom to collect his prize.

END


End file.
